Sleeping as a couple: 4 surprising tips that will transform your nights together

Start with Serious Symptoms: When to See a Sleep Specialist

We all know the drill: one partner tosses and turns like they’re training for Olympic gymnastics, while the other lies wide awake counting each acrobatic move. But sometimes, the problem goes beyond the usual fidgeting and snoring. In cases of unusually intense movements, shouting, or a sense of danger during sleep—especially if this is a recent development after years of peaceful nights—the advice is clear: don’t hesitate to seek out a sleep specialist.

“If there’s a problem with really excessive movements, yelling, or a feeling of threat, you have to consult a professional,” explains Dr. Sylvie Royant-Parola, a psychiatrist specializing in sleep and president of the Morphée Network. “Especially when it’s something new, after twenty years of sharing a bed with the same person. That means something unusual is happening during sleep, and it needs to be investigated and addressed.”

Communication Is Key: Express Your Sleep Needs

It turns out that sleeping is still, at heart, a very personal matter—even when you’re sharing a mattress. Dr. Royant-Parola points out, « When two people share a bed, they’re confronted with each other’s rhythms and habits. » That’s exactly why respecting your partner’s sleep is so important. If one person likes to stay up late binging on their favorite shows or reading, while the other is an early sleeper, it’s best to keep light and noise to a minimum after they’ve turned in for the night.

• Politely communicate your preferences and needs.
• Agree on simple things—like lowering the lights, keeping noise down, or what to do if you get home later than usual.
• Remember: mutual respect goes a long way toward better rest.

You might decide to go to bed a bit earlier, or tough it out and stay up longer, to align more closely with your partner’s schedule. And don’t forget: the bedroom should be both a place for intimacy and individual tranquility. “I think we need to see the bedroom as a place of intimacy, but also somewhere each person—not just as half a couple—can find calm, darkness, and the right conditions for restful sleep,” Dr. Royant-Parola insists.

Be Open to Alternative Bed Arrangements

If sharing a bed is proving to be a nightly struggle, there are other options. For example, in many English-speaking countries, twin beds—either pushed together or apart—are common and perfectly acceptable.

“If someone has extremely restless sleep, twin beds can really help preserve the other person’s rest,” says Dr. Royant-Parola.

Another clever idea, inspired by German habits: use two separate duvets, one for each person. This solves territorial disputes over the covers and allows each sleeper to choose their ideal warmth level—no more fighting over the temperature.

“In France, it’s not common practice, but it actually works really well,”

she notes. (And while that may be news across the Channel, American, British, and Scandinavian couples might already be in the know.)

Could Separate Sleeping Be the Best Solution?

And finally—here’s a suggestion that would have shocked most couples a generation ago: If sleeping together truly isn’t working, consider sleeping apart. What used to be nearly taboo is now increasingly common. As Dr. Royant-Parola explains,

“Forty years ago, not sharing a bed was almost seen as pathological—a clear sign something was wrong. But nowadays, many couples start the night together and then split up after an hour, one to the sofa, one to the bedroom, or each to their own room. Not sleeping together no longer calls the relationship itself into question.”

So, whether you’re team twin-bed, team double-duvet, or just learning how to negotiate the sacred bedtime rituals, remember: the best night’s sleep is the one that works for both of you.